Some Things

A Thing That is Funny:

-My 8th grade tutee, Luke. I could stop there but today again, he said that he's sure I went "clubbin'" over break. He doesn't even KNOW how opposite I am of that inclination (grammar?). He said he could totally picture me clubbin'. Luke, please stop picturing me.

A Thing That is Painful:

-My inner thighs rubbing against each other during my 18-mile run in the heat Sunday morning. 

Another Thing That is Funny:

-Shopping for diaper rash cream to help my inner thighs, which are in a fight with one another, heal.

A Thing That Made Me Hate My Life For a Couple of Hours:

-Running for 3.5 hours Sunday morning with the temperature climbing to 91 degrees.

A Thing That I'm Sure Make People Say, "Stop Rubbing It In":

-That I ran 18 miles yesterday. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me. I'm just elated that I did it. Also I just used the word "elated".

A Thing That is Awesome:

-Sitting on the veranda while listening to my iPod (actually Amy's), birds chirping, and the cute little town of Wenham doing its Monday evening thing.

A Thing That is Gross:

-That some days more than others (for example today), the creases where the sides of my nose meet with my cheeks are breeding grounds for a surplus of oil, then white pimples. GROSSSSS! 

A Thing That is As Hard As It Is Painful:

-Trying to pop those pimples. It's really hard to finagle your fingers just so. Sorry. I will move on from this gross subject. But you all know what I mean.

A Thing That is Exciting:

-My FUNDRAISER this Thursday!!! And selling tickets and jewelry (Phebe you are the bomb-diggity) at Landmark...I will meet my goal of $4,300!

A Thing That Needs to Stop:

-My mindless afternoon snacking. When I am sitting and looking at my Facebook homepage (instead of being outside and/or doing something productive with my time, like, oh, you know, raking the stupid leaves), and realize that I have consumed WAY too many chocolate chips. Chocolate chips are overrated. But my sub-conscious doesn't think so. Dangit, sub-conscious! What are you thinking!?!? Or ARE you thinking!?

A Thing That is Puzzling:

-A puzzle.

A Thing That is Fabulous:

-The sign I just made to thank businesses for donations. Instead of titling the poster, "Thank You" like all the average joe's would do (that reminds me, thank you Your Average Joe who is Not), my title is "A Standing Ovation to the following..." and around it is "clap clap!" Man. I should be a teacher or something.

A Thing That is a Sign of Summer weather:

-Beach towels hanging on the side of the veranda:)

A Thing That I Consistently Have a Hard Time Getting My Butt in Gear With:

-Deep Thoughts by Jaq Hubbard blog.

Suggestions for the Suggestion Box

Today is a big day in the world of Jaq. First off, it is the Tuesday of my April break. Teaching rocks. But secondly and thirdly...

....it is $.50 small iced coffee day at Dunkin' Donuts day. Now, while this is cool, it is not entirely awesome, I must admit. A small iced coffee doesn't cost more than $1.50 on a regular, non-awesome day. So it's not a huge save. I mean, why not just give it to us for free? If I'm reaching in my pocket for fifty cents, personally, it doesn't hurt my heart too much to get a couple more quarters. Is anyone with me? I will definitely say that I am not a stranger to how much of a difference a little can make when saved up. Um, I've been redeeming cans and bottles left and right for my fundraiser and have made almost $100. Needless to say, though, the NON-FREE-NESS of it all won't stop me from visiting my local DD (or all 14 of them?) for small iced coffees in exchange for a measly fifty cents.

....to make up for DD's seemingly awesome promotion, Ben and Jerry's is lighting up my heart by handing me a free cone today. It is as though they are saying, "Jaq, we love you. Dive in." Oh man, I wish. What would it be like to dive into their freezer-ed containers of ice cream? I'd say, "Forget the ice cream scoop, I'll just climb right in." Can you imagine? Anyway...I'll try not to think about how my sister gets free Ben and Jerry's all the time because her friend is a manager at one of the shops around here. Well whatever. It's the principle of the thing. Free ice cream for me. Heavenly.

Well this made me think, wouldn't it be amazing if certain places that had something even more awesome to offer me, had promotions? Well back up, coffee and ice cream, can't get much better than that. But...can it?

*Buy one form of produce, get 6 more free. I buy a lot of groceries and spend way too much money on them. I have to justify it because I spend a lot of money on healthy food and I wouldn't start buying junk food to spend less. I also would never stop eating so much. I love eating. Therefore, Market Basket needs to promote their stores. It's not like they're already crowded way too much these days.

*Go to 3 days of work, get 2 days off. Heck, I would even go for a half-day off for every 3 days. Landmark is good about providing its workers with benefits like a free masters, free breakfast and lunch, etc., because they want to hold onto their faculty. I think I should threaten my leaving if I don't get that promotion. No? Bad idea? Oh.

*Recycle a car, get a new car. Aren't we all trying to "Go Green?" What better way!? It's a win-win.

*Free ideal future-husband day. Do you see how this is one day that is obviously temporary, but provides you with a permanent relationship? 

...my intention in writing this blog was not to lessen the awesomeness of this day...but sometimes, I don't know, the free idea future-husband day seems to trump 'em all.

Please raise your invisible free cone and/or your $.50 iced coffee and shove it in front of you....cheers.

The When-In-Doubt Blog

....For me, this consists of starring each paragraph, and each paragraph talking about some random thought or event or quote. So without further ado....

*Last weekend I bought some black boots, and I mean black boots that go up past your calves. The ones that, depending on what one wears them with, can look trashy, or can look professional. So I bought them, trying to continue to climb that mature-look ladder. I brought the pair of prized possessions home and immediately began to try them on with different skirts in my closet. And nothing worked. Darn. Does this mean I need to look for a new skirt? Looking mature is SO HARD.

*My parents are officially more wild and crazy than I am. I got HOME home last night and my parents stayed up later than me. I got up at 6am and my mom followed soon after. My dad walked out of his bedroom about 2 hours later. Have I mentioned that I am an old woman stuck in a 24 year old's body? Yes? Well. Case in point.

*You know that saying, touche? I am REALLY good at knowing when to say it when appropriate, but if asked to explain its meaning, I'd have no idea.

*Speaking of pretending to know things that I don't, I am an actor every day at my job. For example, my job is all about words. Reading words, spelling words; words, words, words. Sometimes I don't know what the words mean and sometimes my tudees ask me what those words mean. After awhile, trying to cover up the fact that I had NO CLUE of the definition got really tiring, because I'd change the subject and while he/she was busy doing something else I'd non-chalantly look up said word in the dictionary and conveniently (and out of the blue) explain the definition of the word inquired about 20 minutes ago. Well, I realized that every time I did this my heart would beat faster and my sweat glands would begin to act up.  So now I just use the ole line, "well, why don't you be the teacher and I'll be the student....let's practice your dictionary skills and you can read the definition to me." Works like a charm and they think that I know it, I just want them to further their alphabetizing skills. Suckers.

*It's really hard to feel the baby kick in Phebe's tummy. When I imagine feeling my future niece's/nephew's kicks, I think about this pristine scene (how's that for a cute little rhyme) and Phebe and I are smiling cheesily at each other. My hand is placed oh-so-gently upon her ever-growing tummy and I feel kicks for a solid 8 minutes.  While I feel these kicks I am laughing gaily, head turned upwards. We are in our Sunday best and we are looking glamorous. Oh and this is amidst Phebe and I drinking out of delicate tea cups. Well, let me set the true obscene scene (not as good a rhyme but still quite an attempt). Phebe and I have just eaten a double-portion of ice cream (as we Hubbards are known to do...although one of us, and I'm not saying who, has a good excuse to do this now) and we are both in our sweats. Phebe needs to get home but she really wants me to feel the babe kick so she sticks around but we're both getting tired. Her legs are on my lap and my hand is practically making a dent in her stomach because of the pressure I'm putting on her stomach. Which, I guess, isn't necessary. Every 20 minutes, or so it seems, she makes a little "oh" sound and looks at me in anticipation of my exclamation, "I felt it!!" But I just look back at her with an increasingly frustrated look. Baby's kicks can get confused with the mother's breathing. I get up because I have to go to the bathroom and when I get back it's reported that the baby kicked lots and lots while I was gone. It's really just very hard. I'm just saying. So, feeling defeated, I kiss her tummy and walk away. Maybe tomorrow.

*Okay okay I admit it. Right now I'm blogging. You know what else I'm doing? I'm NOT running 14 miles like I'm supposed to be doing right now. I'm, let's see...procrastibloginating. On that note, I'm off to go fill my fuel belt with water in 2 bottles, a Dairy Queen blizzard in one bottle, and peanut butter M&Ms in another. SUCH a great suggestion and it totally works!  That's a blog-out to B. 

Happy Easter everyone. Yay for Jesus being risen!!!! Take that, Satan. Truest sucker of 'em all.

Body Gestures Can Really Rock.

(Wave) ...since this blog is about body gestures.

Well 2 days ago at school one of my favorites co-workers wasn't happy about having to teach her particular students later that day. There's really only so much someone can say. So you know what I did to make her feel better? Well we were standing there at the counter in the copier room and she was telling me about her class. I said some sort of encouraging comment and then, because sometimes all else fails, I backed up and when I knew she was looking at me...did a toe touch. And by toe touch I don't mean I bent down to touch my toes. No. This was an all-out, make-sure-no-one-is-walking-by-me-because-that-would-be-messy, toe touch. I kicked my foot out with no avail and reached my toes with my arm. And with a smile on my face yelled (but not too loud because there's something about being "professional" when you're a teacher..ugh) "TOE TOUCH!"

And this, if even for a second, made her day. Or maybe, made her second.

A couple more times when I passed her I would touch my toes. And the thing about toe-touching is once you've made the full-out effort to do it once, so that it really looks like a toe-touch, you can do it again and again without actually touching your toes, and the intent is still there. Now I say this with a disclaimer. I would only do this toe-touch-without-touching-your-toes in an environment where there were professional people around. Well, in particular, professional people who have a say on the destination of my paycheck as well as the control of my job. I think that otherwise, the toe touch would no longer encourage, but discourage. The toe touchee would think, "Wow, why isn't she doing the full-out toe touch? Am I not worth it? Did she decide that I in fact no longer deserve a toe touch?" And, there it is, your toe touch has made the opposite effect you were going for. So in conclusion to this lazy toe touch, DO NOT DO IT unless your environment disables you from doing the full, 100%, you're -worth-it toe touch. Rather, go for the gold. Go big or go home. Just do it. The full toe touch.

So this same co-worker. She walked into the classroom we share and before I left, and before the kids came in (see the comment about being professional), I decided to take the toe touch another step. I began a cheer for her. And by that I mean, I opened my eyes really wide (you know, when your eyebrows arch really high because of all the strain you're putting into your really big eyes), clasped my hands together, and said, "READY! OK!" while clapping my hands and nodding my head up and down like I Dream of Jeannie did sometimes. And because I played basketball and didn't have any desire to know anything about cheerleading except to make fun of it (I'm sorry if you're one. No offense to you. It just comes with the basketball-player-territory.), I ended that very very very short (but awesome) cheer with, you guessed it, a toe touch.

Because you know what? That's just funny! And she laughed, and probably, no definitely, felt ready to face her class. If I can be a part of that, then SIGN ME UP.

So this made me think, "wow, body gestures are so cool." And this is why I would like to take this early morning (sleeping in is a foreign idea to me....5:30am is my yoozh wake-up time, with or without Mr. Alarm) moment to share some other gestures that can go a long way for the tininess of the gesture.

1. The Sky High-five. I'd like to say that before Jim and Pam from the Office (I can't get too mad at them, though, because...it's Jim and Pam from the Office) did the sky high-five, I was doing the sky high-five. When something deserves a high five, and you are too far away from the awesome person to whom you desire to give a high five to, no sweat! With an over-exaggerated arm motion, reach out your hand and at the same time tilt your head down so you're looking at the floor. Hopefully, the high fiveee will read what gloriousness is about to happen and will do the same. If not, the thought has already been communicated and it's still awesome and funny.

2. Make a really happy face, sort of like you're a clown but not so scary. Make your eyes big so your eye brows go up high. Smile but open your mouth wide too, so that if you were to cock your head up, so you were looking up, you'd look like you were trying to catch a cheese ball that was thrown up into the air. But lets not get off topic. You're not catching a cheese ball. That's for those Friday nights with your friends. So you're eyes are wide, brows are high, mouth is open wide and smiley. Your face is set. Next, and this is what separates the happy face from the happy face with an awesome body gesture, put your hands up on either side of your happy clown face, and shake them from side to side. Now, you're not actually moving your arms, but you're moving your hands from your wrists. When you do it (which I 100% expect you to be doing it this second), you should be reminded of broadway. So in conclusion, this is the Happy-Clown-But-Not-Scary-Broadway Gesture.

3. This is the I-Heart-You. This is a great one because you can communicate some sort of appreciation with love, without it being awkward with certain people. You know those people who you're friends with, or you work with, and secretly love in a non-committal way but it would be awkward, or maybe kind of sketchy, or unprofessional, to say "I love you" to? Okay I'll give you an example. And DO NOT read into this. My department head. I think he's great and I appreciate how he has made my job as a math teacher easier. Because you would think that being told you were teaching "lower-level math" would mean 2+2, right? WRONG. I have had to learn fractions all over again. Geez. Well anyway, I love him. But I don't LOVE him. Also he's old, so gross. But anyway, to show him that you appreciate his work to help me understand his way of math, instead of being like, "I love you", because that would be SO weird and then it could be taken the wrong way, and I would never teach math again, all because I was trying to say thanks.... Give him the I-Heart-You. This involves making a heart-shape with your hands. You will touch your thumbs together, as well as your fingers together. Your hands are cupped, and manipulate your fingers and thumbs in such a way that you have created the shape of a heart. Now this next step is up to you. Maybe it depends on the level of appreciation and thanks... you can hold it up to the left side of your chest, where your heart resides, or you can just hold it out. In both cases, you are communicating, in a safe, I-don't-actually-LOVE-LOVE-you way, that you love them.

That's all for now. I want to read my book. And I have grad class today. Can I get an "UGH."...?

Whoever executes a Sky High-Five, a Happy-Clown-But-Not-Scary-Broadway gesture, and an I-Heart-You gesture in APPROPRIATE situations, and reports that to me with a full explanation of the situations, will get a toe touch. A FULL OUT toe touch. Go get 'em and good luck.

Thank You?

So theoretically, if someone were to make a comment directed towards you that hints toward being really really nice, but you don't immediately know what the key word in the compliment means, it's okay to look it up in the dictionary on your computer a second later. 

"You do the most philanthropic things for people."

"Oh, heheh thanks...."

"You really do."

*And you proceed to your handy computer dictionary, realizing that philanthropy means "the desire to promote the welfare of others, especially by the generous donation of money to good causes"

Hm...I might find that lovely lady and tell her that she uses really recalcitrant words. I mean...theoretically, one would do that. 

Okay fine, nothing gets past you. This happened to me this morning. And yes, I work with words all day every day and I didn't know what philanthropy meant. Now I do. So stop judging.