Restless

Recently I've been thinking about where I am in life, both physically and spiritually. One of the deepest thoughts on this blog so far, I know.

It started awhile back when I was thinking about doing a 3-month-long bike ride across the country this coming summer. But that was shattered by 2 events, and then one that absolutely sealed the deal: I'd miss the annual vacation with my family to Nags Head, NC for the SECOND time in a row (Phebe would have none of it), and I'd miss the wedding of my favorite engaged couple, Nicole and Ryan. But then I absolutely KNEW it wasn't for me this year when Phebe turned into the oven heating up a mighty fine bun, due to be golden brown in July.

So that was the beginning of me thinking about doing something BIGGER with my life than hanging out in the comfort zone of hoity-toity Hamilton-Wenham. In the last year, I have challenged myself physically through foot races, long bike rides and spinning marathons. And I have wondered if this is me trying to get away from what is comfortable in some way. Not to overanalyze...but again, it's a deep thought.

I want change. I want to do something hard that is challenging, or big, or something. I want to run that marathon, but perhaps run a marathon in a different sense. Challenge myself by something extra I do in addition to my work, or make a big move somewhere else, or something. A man? Ha. Wait, LOL I just realized I correlated a marathon to a man. Yes, in a sense, a marathon it would definitely be.

Along the same lines, today at Barnes and Noble I was thinking about how awesome it would be if I were a writer. A writer of a blog and a writer of a book are 2 very different things. You have to be that much more creative, I think. I have no ideas in my head, just a desire to be in the middle of some really big, fun project. Like writing a book. See where I'm going? No? Oh. Well all of this thinking might have been those cups of coffee talking. Caffeine is very deceiving that way, I think.

Last year I experienced an amazing outlet for my overflowing awe in God and Who He is and what He has done and continues to do daily in my life. I've mentioned that for a really solid time I had been in His Word daily, for a good 45 minutes-1 hour at a time. And it made a HUGE impact on the "cup" that we speak of having that overflows. I was always so aware of God in my life and was so thankful for everything around me. And it bugged me so much that I didn't have a creative way to express that thanks and gratitude. But then I realized that I had a pretty good (I guess I'm biased; I thought they were pretty good) knack for poetry, or creative writing, I wasn't sure what it was. I was able to express myself and glorify God through the words I wrote in the morning. I loved it.

I fell away from that, and from my solid time with God. Suddenly I am not a teacher's assistant in a school that is a 5-minute walk from my home, and am so much more responsible for what goes on during the day with my students. Excuses excuses I know.

I guess I'm wondering if a huge change would get me back to that place where I was. What am I thinking, what I need is to send some hollas up to the Father.

Well I certainly have gone off in all directions here.