WOF GAME!!!!

Okay, gang! First off, let me please beg of you not to bring up Doctor Watson. And my decision to spin instead of solve. I have done the proverbial kicking myself over and over and over, and what’s done is done. I’m sure many of you, depending on who you are, may have been yelling nonsense at the screen, wondering what the heck was wrong with me. And also, “bike route”. Oh and “migrating blue whales.” What an idiot. Did a lot of, and still do it every now and then, proverbial pulling my hair out. You know what these felt like? But worth a TON MORE!?!? Turnovers made in college basketball games. I loved playing basketball at Gordon but man oh man those mistakes would get into my head and it was so unbelievably hard to forget about them and move on. I’m sure that if you’re an athlete, either past or present, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You made a stupid move, maybe it meant the loss of the game and maybe it just meant you didn’t look awesome. But it stuck with you and you can’t seem to think about anything else. It keeps you up at night, you play it over and over in your head, and you wish you could rewind and do it all over again. It’s sad, actually, how many athletes let turnovers dictate who they think they are. They feel like they’re worth more if they have a great game, and vice versa. For those of you who don’t play sports but watch them, this is extremely common and I find it so sad; it’s not a good feeling. I feel like God has done a ton of work on me since my college basketball years, and I now know that I’m not worth the mistakes I make, even when they are worth so much money and even though everyone I know and their mothers watched me make those mistakes. You know what I think? I’m sure that unless a contestant has a perfect game, all contestants have something they can dwell on and regret. Freaking Doctor Watson, migrating blue whales, and that gosh darn bike route are my 3 basketball turnovers. They kept me up at night so I’d have to drown them out with music or just pray and thank God for the experience and thank Him that the life is worth so much more than a trip to Hawaii and $45,000. Wow. Still hurts a bit, though. Even to read that sentence. Ugggghhhhhh. So that’s my long shpeal.

So that out of the way, I had a TON o’ FUN!!!! We were told by the stage director, before Pat and Vanna came out, to look toward that direction and smile and clap as though they were coming out. Haha. I will never watch the Wheel the same again. So I did it, clapped and smiled big at nothing. I mean, no, I take that back, I was on the freaking Wheel. I clapped and smiled big at EVERYTHING. At the blessing God had given me. At the idea that I started with nothing and would leave with the minimum of $1,000. At the sight of the Wheel stage. At the disbelief of being there. There was a lot to smile and clap for. So Pat stepped up, wasted no time and we all picked up our Toss-Up thingies like we were told, right when he approached the Wheel. I had just seen an episode of Jeopardy where this poor kid’s button didn’t seem to work and he was obviously wigging out trying to get the button to work. I was a bit nervous that I would have the same problem, but the button worked SEAMLESSLY, as I recognized the first puzzle quicker than my sweet and easy-on-the-eyes, respectively, competitors. “THE ALOHA STATE”! In the Wheel strategies I read online, they recommended getting the first toss-up to gain the confidence and get that quick advantage over the others. Well, OBVIOUSLY winning the puzzle is a strategy. Please, I could write that in my sleep with both hands tied behind my back and post it on some special-looking internet page too. The on-the-top-of-the-world feeling I felt as I put the buzzer thingy back in its little home was indescribable. O.M.Goodness this was really happening! I just won $1,000! There goes half my credit card bill! But, oh shoot, this meant that Pat would introduce me first. Just hearing him say MY name out loud, and share information about ME, was bizarre. He said something like, Jaquelin Hubbard, from Beverly, MA, and you’re a teacher? I responded by agreeing and adding in the girl’s basketball coach bit, because that’s just awesome. And I was hoping that my “GO VIKINGS!” thing would come out well. Who knows. I could have done a toe touch but there was the ledge, and the Wheel, and the people across the country everywhere watching you…it does something to you! I knew he was going to share that I was an endurance athlete and I would explain more, but I decided to just hurry it up so we could have more puzzles. Then he asked me what an Ironman entailed. Now, TRUTH: I’m writing this before the air date, so I haven’t seen it yet, and am still nervous about this but….I’m really nervous that I said it was a 118 mile bike ride instead of 112. This was one thing that kept me up the night before. Oh no! What if I did say 118 miles? Every triathlete who also happens to be a Wheel fan will judge me and shun me and refuse to have me in their future races! Or, perhaps I might get sponsored? Since I made that mistake and I make YouTube history for messing that up? Well, if I did indeed say 118 miles, I’ll go with the latter scenario and hope that all my future races are paid for.

So Tannen went, did great, and Cathy went. I didn’t realize something about Cathy’s introduction because my mind was in a million different places at this point. Like, who goes first, what happens next, is my shirt messed up, how’s my foundation situation, I can’t believe that’s really Pat, I can’t believe I’m here, will everyone watching me be proud of me or mock me. The pressure. It was there. But anyway, according to Amy, when Cathy did her introduction she said that she had 3 kids and then followed that with, “GO DAWGS!”, which made it seem like she was calling her kids dogs? I don’t know. I can’t wait to see it because that would be awesome.

So then the second toss up. Because I’m not mature and domestic, I couldn’t see “venetian blinds” early enough. At this point I was still feeling confident. Okay so I don’t remember the order but this was possibly the first of my basketball turnovers? Let’s just be quick about it. I saw Sherlock Holmes very soon into the puzzle, but freaked out secretly because I had no idea who the second character was, and knew that I wasn’t familiar enough with Sherlock Holmes to eventually know, unless it was REALLY REALLY obvious. I got the Hawaii wedge (ouch….butt kicking happening right now…my stomach is literally in knots as I write this), and got some letters, and was VERY obvious on screen that I had no idea what the puzzle was. When there were 3 letters left, I thought to myself that I could guess the answer (I would have been right, ow my stomach), or I could just spin once more and get a consonant and then solve. AAANNNNNNNDDD bankrupt. Handing the Hawaii wedge over as I realized what an idiot I was, was torture. So, anyway, on the up and up. I will cover up my bad move by pretending that I just totally wanted Tannen to have it. I had it set up perfectly for him and because he was such a great guy, wanted him to have it. So I did what I could, and turned it over to good ol’ Tannen. Not convincing enough? Darn. Well anyway, it was amazing how similar the breaks we had during the Wheel were to my basketball time-outs. Again with the basketball/Wheel parallels! I stepped down from the infamous Doctor Watson puzzle (I refuse to have anything to do with Sherlock Holmes for the rest of my life) feeling like an absolute failure. I was embarrassed and heart-broken. Hawaii. I have always wanted to go there. Now in basketball, it was like I was embarrassed because I had traveled again and was heart-broken. NOT traveling would have been so much better! So as I cried a bit inside, I drank some water and got MORE foundation. The crazies said we weren’t enthusiastic enough and I was a bit embarrassed about that, but then wondered if that’s what they say to everyone? I don’t remember the order of puzzles, and truthfully all I remember were the ones I solved or the ones that gosh darnit I should have solved. So the next one I remember is HOT COCOA WITH MINI MARSHMALLOWS. I was completely aware that it was a prize puzzle, but while that was the case, I had forgotten that I didn’t have to get consonants first to solve the puzzle. But, since I didn’t get bankrupt, thank you Lord, I guessed the ‘M’ since I knew there were 3 of them, and solved it! I was so excited to say, “Pat, I’m going to solve it”, and with gumption, too. I felt like this was my time to shine, and knew it would make the last puzzle seem a little less extreme and idiotic. I got it! Yes! Yay! And I also knew before I heard what the prize was, that it wasn’t a trip to Hawaii. Shoot. Because you’re a weirdo if you sip hot cocoa with mini marshmallows in Hawaii. BUT, I’ll stop complaining now, though, because I’m sure you are like, “seriously?” You’re complaining? So yeah, I’ll stop. Simple fact is I don’t ski. And I will learn. And Phebe is coming with me. And she doesn’t ski either. It will be awesome. Yay Lake Tahoe!!! ***Actually, as I am re-reading this before publishing it, I have since foreited the trip because I’d have to pay $1,200 in taxes on the trip and the black out dates are the same dates I’d pretty much be around, and I wasn’t even really excited about it so I’m not going. BUT now I have that money that I would have paid in taxes. Get it? I’m happy with my decision.***

I also forgot that the value of the prize, although I don’t get that cash, went into my “bank” and it went toward my total and because it was worth $5,500, I was suddenly ahead. So when I realized this I had a little dance in my head, maybe glowed a bit more. Doctor Watson, Shmoctor Shmatson. Not really, but I’ll just pretend. During that break, I was miraculously feeling much better because of my most recent display. I would have to sit down from the fatigue of the crazy emotional roller coaster I was in the middle of, but I couldn’t even think about taking a second to gather myself because this was the fastest 25 minutes of my life. There was no TIME to think about what was happening.

So the next thing I remember was the 3^rd toss-up. I got it! “Under the Boardwalk!” I love that song! I loved the movie Beaches and had the soundtrack when I was younger. Oh, glory. Yay yay. I have no recollection of what happened next. It’s fresh in your minds, so you must be thinking, “why are you skipping parts!?!?” Sorry…it was literally all a blur. And then came the moment when I realized that OH. MY. GOSH. This kid is going to the bonus round!!! I realized this when he went up the other others to congratulate them, and then Pat walked over to me! I have no recollection what he said to me, but do remember saying something like “I’ll be there” when he said I was going to the bonus round. Improvisation is hard and I felt totally awkward and so overwhelmed. I was going to the bonus round! OMIGOSSHHH!!

So then the other two were led upstairs to sign and gather their paperwork. I remember first thinking, “YES!!! Amy would get some face time on TV!” I was led to the bonus round wheel and George (remember, Mr. Hollywood from the last installment, with the ultra cool outfit and the ultra cool air about him?) made me practice spinning the small wheel, and went over making sure that I stepped over the wire that was sticking up right in front of me. It was funny how much preparation went into setting up the bonus round wheel. Every time they took it out to the floor, they set up a cardboard walkway, just like they might set up a red carpet. They had to screw the table into the floor and set up the lights and it was quite a process every time. George asked me if I felt comfortable with Pat leading me to the line on the floor by taking my hand, and there was so much going on that I just said yes. I’ve since been given a hard time about that haha. One of my favorite parts of the whole show was making eye contact with Amy when she was settled into her new seat so that the camera could capture her in the audience when I introduced her. I guess that when the staff asked her who she was, she had said, “her super-dooper friend Amy.” We had gone over that cheesy adjective and we knew that I was going to say that on camera if I were privileged enough to be able to say it. When I said it on camera, I guess a couple of staff looked at Amy totally entertained because we had used the same ridiculous adjective. You know when you watch game shows and get totally overwhelmed with the ridiculousness of people and the things they say and do? My using the word “super-dooper” was my way of being a bit ridiculous. Not too extreme, but still funny. But anyway, I kept looking at her prior to the puzzle in amazement, making “I can’t believe this is happening” faces. I think that moment was one of my highlights of the weekend. I was so psyched, maybe a bit nervous, but again it moved so fast and I had to think about so much that there was no time to think how crucial this one puzzle would be.

So the camera came on, Pat said some things I totally don’t remember, and I spun that wheel. He brought me over and I had a tiny sinking feeling when I saw the very generic category of “thing”, and that the two words were pretty short. Once they revealed the letters given, I knew right away that the second word was “route”. But I had NO idea what the first word was. I said the usual 3 consonants I give when playing on Facebook because truly, they usually help. I said “O” because while I was sure of the second word, I wanted to make sure it really was “route”. I look back realizing I should have given a different vowel, to see if I could get the first word. Well anyway, totally crushed that the letters didn’t help at all with the first word, I thought and thought for those measly 10 seconds. And then it was revealed and I could not believe my eyes. Of course. Here’s the triathlete, Pat kept mentioning that during the show, I have been on so many bike routes before, I ate slept and breathed bike routes during my training. How could I have not gotten that one? Bending down in disbelief, and seeing the glittery amount of money that I wouldn’t get….I was crushed. But I had other things to think about, namely, I had to get a toe touch out of those two! I knew that I would be able to fake-talk and fake-laugh with them on camera for the last bit of the show, and I was not ashamed and totally determined to get it to happen. I had lost a trip to Hawaii, I had lost the chance of lots of money, I had lost a bit of my pride, especially with that blasted Sherlock Holmes, but gosh darnit, in my mind, my heart and soul would feel a lot better if I could get Pat and Vanna to do a toe touch on air. What is it with me and toe touches? I have no idea. You know how you have your sayings that you say all the time? Any gestures you make? Does something you do or say kind of define you? I have never been a cheerleader, a dancer, and I have never been in anything where toe touches are involved. For some reason I just started doing toe touches, and my friends know this about me, and it’s just something I do. When I did the “Goofy” run in Disney, which involved running the half-marathon on Saturday and the full marathon on the following Sunday, my mission was not to do well running-wise, my mission was to get as many toe touch pictures with Disney characters as possible. I found it to be a huge accomplishment to have the likes of the old guy from Up and the step-sisters from Cinderella, and the pirates from The Pirates of the Caribbean doing toe touches with me, and all of these were documented.

So while Pat and Vanna started talking and laughing so that the camera would catch their cute little tender moment, I asked George if he would ask them if they were willing to do toe touches on air when I went out there to fake laugh with them. He looked at me like all the Disney characters did, please, I was used to it, and said he’d ask. He went over to them, they both gave him the same “come again?” look, George returned, and said, “they don’t think they can fit that in.” Oh, please. There’s plenty of time to touch your toe. I wasn’t satisfied and would ask them again when I went out there. So, I asked them both, and since we were on camera, they didn’t give me that same confused look. Of the two, of course, you’d think that Pat would do it, since he’s not wearing a pretty little dress. You know who the real man was? Yes you do, because you saw the show. VANNA! VANNA persevered and although she had a dress on, VANNA did a toe touch. I was SO excited. Forget the money and the Hawaii trip (for now), I got Vanna White, THE Vanna White, to do a toe touch. And Amy said she saw it on camera so assuming they don’t cut that part out (omigosh I will cry more about that and count that more as a loss than anything else), I will be one happy contestant. I mean, really, what else will I have to get done in this lifetime? My goal in life has been met.

Vanna gave me 2 handshakes during this part. I mentioned that Vanna came back stage and gave us all handshakes and that’s when I realized she had a lame handshake. She didn’t actually give us handshakes, but I said that so you wouldn’t read into it and realize that I had gone to the bonus round before actually seeing the show. Anyway, have I mentioned how horrible they were? So I shake Vanna’s and Pat’s hands, and am led upstairs to the office where I sign things and gather the papers that document what I will receive 120 days after the show airs. It was a bit dreary and not showy in there at all, the woman in charge was kind of a downer and all business and it was very interesting to go from such an exposed, glittery environment to such a behind-the-scenes, sign this and get out type of room.

So I returned to the studio audience to finally meet up with Amy. Of course, I was not able to have contact with Amy all day, until after my show. This was to ensure that I wasn’t cheating. Their rules were extremely strict, and we couldn’t talk to anyone in the audience or we would get disqualified. There was one dude who showed me the Pat bobblehead he was given by one of the staff and I just smiled, and one of the staff scolded him for talking to me. Woops. So anyway, on my way over, the announcer dude, you know, the one says in his big announcer voice, “And now, Pat Sajak and Vanna White”? He was keeping the audience entertained while the next show was being prepared. He stopped me and said, “…and look who it is, Jaquelin!” I felt like a celebrity, everyone in the audience was saying congratulations, and I did a great job. He asked me questions, I answered them into the microphone, and as I kept walking toward Amy a woman yelled my name and said they were from MA, too; they were from Methuen. How about that? Right down the road from me…kind of. But again, I felt like a celebrity and people were saying my name as though we were tight friends. It was bizarre.

So, my friends, now you know the outcome, you’ve read my take on it, there’s no more suspense. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for helping make this such an unbelievable experience for me. I have full intentions to have a date with my computer tomorrow, March 4^th, to write the last installment of this Wheel story. Entitled, um, I guess, “Post Wheel Airing” or something boring and not witty at all like that.

A Teensy Weensy Disclosure

So I feel like a tool at this point. While most of you are probably like, "I wanna hear more!" I'm sure there are those who are like, "give it a rest for cryin' out loud!" Either way, I respect that. Here's the thing. At least 75% of the people who have contacted me in person or on the 'puter have expressed how well they truly believe I did and can't wait to see me crush the game and show Pat and Vanna how it's done come March 2nd. I gotta say, I've never been in this bizarre position (obviously), but it has caused this weird feeling of anxiety that I never expected.

People see how happy I am, and how enthusiastic I am when I explain my crazy day in LA last week and from that, they infer that I won big time so how can I NOT be beaming? I mean, that's fair, I can see how that would be apparent, but whew, it's exhausting to think about how everyone will respond come March 2nd. So for my own sake and sanity and level of anxiety, I am going to officially announce that I didn't win "big money". Now this can mean anything, I know, but just don't go into the show believing and expecting, without a shadow of a doubt, that I dominated. Because I did not.

There. Now you know. Now you won't go into the show with full anticipation of my being surrounded by flying confetti, then finish watching the show with total disappointment because the small colorful squares did not land in my hair and ruin my makeup. Man, doing something like this (and okay also being a Facebooker...guilty...) certainly makes me vulnerable...in front of everyone!

Lastly, I'd like to lovingly blame my total satisfaction in life and in how I did, to the knowledge I have in Jesus, knowing that there's a heck more to life than money and trips. Thank goodness this is the case! The day after the taping I ran into a girl at the hotel who had played in a different game and ended up going to the bonus round. Her face was all red and puffy; she had certainly had a rough night. I totally hurt for this girl and wished she could hold tight to the fact that our worth is not found in a stupid game show (okay I know it's not stupid, but in the light of things, I mean, com'n, it definitely is).

So, in conclusion:

1. Thank you for your confidence in me!

2. You don't need to stop being confident in me by any means, but you should stop expecting me to have won with lots of digits in the winning amount of money.

3. But don't feel bad either, because I loved the experience and that makes me a winner (stitch that on a pillow and place it in your living room immediately) in and of itself.

4. My enthusiasm is partly because of YOUR enthusiasm toward my experience, and being overwhelmed by all your support, but also hugely because God rocks and my purpose here is not to win millions and go on trips. Although wouldn't that be fun?

XO!

A Girl and a Wheel and to Be Cheesy, a Dream...Chapter Two

Pre WOF Game

Welcome to installment number 2! Okay so I left off with my practicing the Wheel pre-LA trip. So here’s the LA trip. Oh geez. What a daunting thing to think about writing. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am now sitting in LAX, so VERY crushed that the experience is over. I was telling Amy this morning over free omelets courtesy of the Sony Studios via the Doubletree Hotel (a “welcome” in the form of a warm walnut chocolate chip cookie, and a “come back soon” in the form of a fresh omelet and fresh-squeezed orange juice…surely you can see why I’m having such a hard time thinking about this experience having come to an end) that I keep thinking, “I can’t wait to do this again next year,” as though it was a race I was participating in or something. But it’s not; it’s not something I can do again. Boo. But before you judge me for complaining, I’m not. I’m just expressing the awe that I feel when thinking about this whole 3-day experience. We were playing my favorite, the highlight-lowlight game, and we were both having a hard time stopping ourselves from sharing more highlights. So, anyway, let’s cut to the chase. One of my lowlights I mentioned was getting my Bath and Body Works shower gel, lotion, and leave-in hair conditioner taken away from me because like an idiot, I forgot to ensure I’d have 3oz bottles. But that moment passed and I was able to move on because I was going to the Wheel, baby! The trip was smooth, which was a great thing. In the shuttle to the hotel we met Ed and Gloria, who were an extremely precious older couple heading out to Hawaii on a cruise. They learned that I was going to be on the Wheel, freaked out in their cute older couple way, and I loved them. Then upon our arrival to the hotel, we were welcomed with a warm walnut and chocolate chip cookie. SHUT. UP. You know you’ve made it big when that’s your welcome. It was right up my alley. Like my cousin Dave said, the only thing that would make it any MORE up my alley, was if they came out with an ice cream cone. I’m sure they had them back there. The cookie itself was literally warm and so so good. I felt welcomed immediately. I am officially a hotel snob and refuse to go anywhere other than Doubletree. Or if I do, perhaps I will bring my own tupperware of cookies and just pretend. Anyway, you know it’s up my alley when I just keep talking about it. I will force myself to move on. But I can’t promise that I won’t bring it up a bunch. That night we walked to the grocery store and got dinner in the form of a veggie platter, an orange, and Greek yogurt. I know. Awesome. I was SO excited for Amy because we passed a bunch of pretty people (oh wait a second, they’re ALLLL pretty people in Los Angeles) in the hotel lobby singing a-cappella style and then she freaks out because it was the group “Afro Blue” from the show Sing-Off. I have seen this show once so recognized the name but was indifferent. But I was SO happy for Amy so I grabbed my camera and we casually walked back downstairs to “check out the Jacuzzi”. Well, there was no Jacuzzi but know what there WAS!? Afro Blue, and my friend who went right up to them, totally willing to act like she was 12, and I asked them if I could take a picture with them altogether. Mission accomplished. Warm cookie, veggie platter, Afro Blue picture. It was gonna be a TOP NOTCH trip.

That night I was curious to see if I was going to sleep. Was I going to be nervous? When I did the Ironman, Phebe and the rest of my family were shocked when I NEVER got nervous. Phebe kept asking me, “are you nervous yet!?” And I was only excited. It was the same for the Wheel. I had done everything I could, I knew I had so much support behind me (you!), and whatever happened, would happen. I am so so so grateful that I have a relationship with Jesus. I firmly believe that my relationship with Him enables me to keep in mind that whatever happens, happens because He allows it to happen. If He gave me a ton of money, if I stunk and took home a measly $1000, if my hand got stuck on a spoke and it flew me ‘round and ‘round (that would secretly be awesome, no?), it would be His doing. I think this is part of why I feel this all excitement and no nervous thing. I don’t know. Anyway, all I know is it’s an awesome feeling to know that there’s a heck of a lot more to life than money. This doesn’t mean I don’t WANT to win the million. But it keeps me nice and level-headed. So…I slept like a baby. I mean, I got up at 2:15 LA time, but that was bound to happen. And, the early bird catches a worm. I had a bunch of worms to catch on this particular day.

So I put on my outfit, finished it with the touch of my cute earrings, gave Amy a hearty high five (she’d arrive later, at 11am, with the other guests of contestants), and was on my way. At this point I was so excited I couldn’t contain it. I smiled while walking down the hallway, still not believing what I was about to do and really wanting to do heel kicks all the way down to the lobby. I blame it on the bag I was carrying. And my hair. And I was scared to break a nail. Just kidding. Okay fine I just didn’t do them. But I felt them in my heart. The surreal just never went way. I joined the other contestants who were also privileged enough to have been welcomed with a warm cookie (is it clear yet how awesome this part of my stay was!?). I was secretly looking for enthusiasm signs. Were they more enthusiastic than me? What if I played against some of these people? It was a very interesting dynamic, because we all started asking those annoying “how did you apply?” and “are you nervous?” and “when did you get your letter?” questions. They’re comparable to those gosh darn college orientation questions we all had to answer a bajillion times when it was our time to shine at the tender age of about 18. But we were all full of conversation and excitement. Maybe we were still partly feeling the sugar high from the warm cookies.

When we got there, one of the staff that had been at the audition in Boston brought us into the contestant holding room, and we were instructed to sit at a chair and fill out some paperwork. There were 20 people altogether. Six groups of 3, since there were 6 tapings that day, and 2 poor
alternates who were locals and who would play if something happened to a contestant. I don’t know, like if someone got Wheelogitis, or who sprained their hand from Vanna’s firm handshake. UNDERSTATEMENT! She had the weakest handshake, I can’t wait to tell my math kids because I have them work on firm handshakes on their way out of my class….I finished that handshake feeling like I needed closure of some sort. I felt like giving myself a handshake or something. Then we had to stand up one at a time and practice our shpeal for our home’s TV station ad. I had to say, “Hi! I’m Jaquelin from Beverly. Watch me play Wheel of Fortune on WBZ.” Then I had to smile awkwardly for 3 seconds afterward. Well, I was 4^th to go, and I am proud to say I was the rebel (I know, right? …little ol’ me!?) who had gum in her mouth. They told me to throw it out and I freaked out for a second, but then remembered that they were the suckers, I was already going to be a contestant and they couldn’t NOT call me or send me a letter. Then that got me thinking, “just what ARE the reasons in which an alternate is used? What if I look at them the wrong way? What if they see that I have a zit? What if they learn that my toenail is falling off” (True story…too much intense contact between my toes and shoes because of training…TMI)? Well, I can proudly say that after I threw it out, I saw another put hers in a piece of paper. So really, I was just doing everyone a favor. I totally had planned that. You’re welcome, other contestants.

I was ashamed that they had to tell me to do it again; I wasn’t enthusiastic enough. WHAT? Man, the pressure. So I yelled a little louder, showed a little more teeth, and put a little more twinkle in my eye. Whew. While we were doing this, some guy who looked like Mr. Hollywood, with the cool black-brim glasses, short spiky hair with bleach blond tips, skinny-ish jeans with boots and a coolio casual jacket, sat in a director’s chair in the corner watching us. Who WAS this strange and mysterious fellow who was obviously all that? Turns out he was the one in charge of the contestant staff and what he says, goes. His name was George. Anyway…after this we sat and they went over the paperwork with us. You know, the one were I sign my financial life away. It included lots of hereby’s and therefore’s but they explained it more and I had looked it over again on the plane, so I felt confident that they weren’t going to steal my identity and leave me in an alley. Whew. Vanna would never do that, right?

THENNNNN, they took us out to the studio. O.M.GEEEEEEE. So awesome. The room was much smaller than how it appears on television, the wheel was all neony and pretty and wheely. They taught us how best to spin the wheel. With your left hand hold onto the ledge in front of you, then with your right hand reach as FAR to the right as possible, pull it hard, and push it once it passes your midline. When grabbing the spoke, it was best to grab the top half of it so as not to hit the little triangle thingies that determine what wedge you landed on. SO MUCH to think about. It was good to practice, though, and have I said it yet? SURRREEAAALLLL. The Wheel was Real Surreal. Bam. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. But my hand still is a bit sore right around where it hit the top of the spoke after all the spinaroos. It’s a reminder that yesterday really did happen. That and the 2 Wheel of Fortune pens, the key chain, and the AWESOME blue name tag that says my name. Man, this shadow box mentioned in my first chapter is going to get quite busy.

Then…I lose track here. I think we took our turns to officially give our current town advertisement on camera. So…if you’re from Boston…you’ll be able to see me awkwardly smile for 3 seconds while staring at the camera, after saying that you should watch me. After this, I don’t remember what we did. Around this time, though, while in the contestant holding room, the famous, the beautiful, the wrinkly-behind-all-the-Botox, Vanna walks in wearing faded jeans, some cheapo Sketchers slip-on shoes, and a neon orange sweatshirt with the name of some tropical place written on the front. Wait! How does she have TIME to pull herself from all the screen touching and dress wearing and waving to get to St. Whatever-it-said-on-her-sweatshirt? Well, I don’t know how she does it. Wonder Woman, that Vanna. And REALLY skinny, too. She should really try one of those warm cookies. Or fifty. Also, as I said earlier, her handshake was HORRIBLE. The kind of handshake that makes you want to squirm. You would think that with her background and job, she’d be taught to give a firm handshake. OR, was she taught to simply contact the other person’s hand, with the intention of making that person want to shake her hand again, and in turn, cause the shakee to love her even more? I don’t know. I understand I’m not making sense. But com’n, her HANDSHAKE doesn’t make sense. Anyway, I will tell my math students that they do NOT want to be like Vanna when it comes to handshakes. I will now call the handshakes in math class Better-Than-Vanna’s Handshakes…or something. “Woops, (student’s name), don’t forget to give me a Better-Than-Vanna’s Handshake on your way out!” Yeah. I’m totally starting that.

I think it was around this time that we were told the groupings for the rounds. I was put with an older lady named Cathy, and a FIIINNNNNEEEE young man named Tannen. Oh my. Pitter Patter. AND we’re already Facebook friends (for the record, HE requested MY friendship earlier today), so I’ll go ahead a custom this status/link so he doesn’t see just how much of a tall glass of water (is that the saying?..well whatever, you’re getting the idea that I about died…easy on the eyes, this man) I thought he was. Anyway, more on that later. So after it was announced that the 3 of us would be playing against each other, I could tell that Cathy didn’t have my type of sense of humor so I targeted Tannen as the one to jokingly do the “I have my eyes on you” gesture. He enjoyed it, and I enjoyed that he enjoyed it. I was told that I’d be the “ball picker” for my group. Not sure why they don’t change this title. It’s a little disconcerting. So what it ended up being was the one who picked a golf ball out of a bucket, and the golf ball had a number between 1 and 6 on it. This decided what group would go when. I looked to Tannen to see what he wanted, and he requested that I try my darndest to pick out number 4. EXACTLY what I wanted! Well, I picked 5; very close and I was just glad it wasn’t 1, because then we’d go first, or 6, because we’d be in “America’s Game” and our episode wouldn’t air until April, rather than the last week in February/early March. So THIS means our episode airs on Friday night. Which means a couple of different things. One, big party that night…I am hoping, anyway. Two, it’s a Friday night…who stays in to watch Wheel of Fortune on a Friday night? I’m sure not as many people as the other nights. But wait, the people I WANT to watch it will watch it. Oh yeah. No sweat.

So…sometime around now we all took turns getting make-up applied. I was so excited about this because I don’t use makeup, nor do I have any desire to do so. MAN it’s tough to take that stuff off. And the extra cost is not something I miss. But if I get it done for free by someone who knows what she’s doing, sign me up! So Kimber was my make-up gal. Foundation, eyes, lips, blush, the whole bit. Very fun. The lady who did the touch up after I ate something and right before I went on talked about how she had been doing this for 30+ years, and she had worked on Home Improvement, some other sitcoms I don’t remember, and she does Alex Trebek’s make-up for Jeopardy. Sweet! Back to after my first application, though. How do people eat sandwiches after they put lip gloss on? For some reason they fed us sandwiches made with flaky rolls, which didn’t make sense, because after I was done eating I felt like I had sandwich all over my lips. Wow, I’m being quite detailed. I felt like I had sandwich all over my lips? Who says that? Me.

We’re still at the point after I had gotten the first application. After I ate the sandwich we went out to the studio to sit and watch the other contestants battle it out. It was GREAT practice for me and I was so happy to be going 5^th. This way I could get a ton of practice in. I was definitely a “game-player” during this time because Tannen and I sat next to each other a couple of times and he would whisper the puzzle every now and then when he knew it. I decided to keep it to myself when I knew the answer because I didn’t want him to know what he was going up against. I didn’t want him to know what to expect. I also noticed that a TON of times whenever I looked toward Cathy, she had her eyes closed and had her trusty red blanket from Delta draped over her. She couldn’t stay awake. I thought that the combination of my getting the puzzles before Tannen and Cathy having a hard time staying awake was killer. Woo! I was psyched!

Between games 3 and 4 we had a 45 minute break, which was fine, but by this time I was just excited to spin the wheel and talk to Pat. He was a little disappointing, as he didn’t introduce himself to us prior to the games like Vanna did. I had heard that he wasn’t the nicest game show host, and his failure to introducing himself didn’t help his cause. Anyway, during this break they fed us pizza. I thought this was an interesting choice, since I’m sure lots of people were nervous and pizza seemed like the last thing many people would want to make them feel better. Well, again, I didn’t have nerves and didn’t bat a mascara’d eye as I ate 2 pieces. Hey, we had a fuel up. And the lip glass had not been freshly applied so I was feeling better already.

After the second application of make-up, Shannon one of the crazies went through the cue cards that Pat would use to introduce us to the audience. I had been freaking out about this because that’s a lot of talking in front of the world, when PROBABLY it can’t be done again. There were 2 separate things I was worried I’d say wrong, and I wanted to practice exactly what he’d ask and how I would respond. Well, we didn’t do this. So I freaked out a bit. And as long as I said the correct mileage for the bike in an Ironman, I’d be fine. I literally woke up in the middle of the night last night because I panicked that I said the wrong amount of miles for the bike. Welp, guess I have to wait until March 2^nd to either breathe a sigh a relief, or cower in the corner and be the laughingstock of all Ironmen out there. Oh geez. SO MUCH LIGHTS, CAMERA, AND ACTION!

Alright well probably to your relief I think that about covers the pre-show experience. Because after I freaked out about the no-practice thing, we were up. We walked out of the stage and stepped up to the wheel….

…stay tuned for the night of March 2^nd and come back to read my take on the Wheel of Fortune experience. Now. To practice my poker face. If you know me at all, and surely you do, this will not be something that comes easily.

A Girl and a Wheel and to Be Cheesy, a Dream...Chapter One

WHEEL…OF…FORTUNE!!!!

That’s right kids, what a crazy crazy day. Let me set the scene here. I’m sitting in the dark in my hotel room at…2:15am their time, 5:15 my time. My super-duper friend Amy Dodd is sleeping like a gem over there and my sleep patterns have gone down the drain due to adrenaline, time change, and freaking out about moves I could have done differently. Since I’m up, I’ve decided to get this inevitably long blog going. I’ve decided to break it up into 4 parts: Pre-WOF Day, Pre WOF Game, WOF Game, Post WOF Game. I know there are some of you who just don’t want to read a blog that is the length of a John Grisham novel, but let’s face it, there’s no way around it if I want to do this thing justice. So…read what you want, skip what you want. I do need to say, though, that you have been the best supporters ever! I have felt like a celebrity the past 3.5 months, since I got the random “invitation only” email inviting me to try-out for the Wheel in Boston. And please. I am NO celebrity. If I WAS a celebrity, I’d treat this thing like it was no big deal. But goodness gracious there’s no acting cool here. It was A HUGE DEAL and so I must write lots and lots about it. But anyway, you have sent me FB messages and called me and yelled “BIG MONEY” at me in passing. It’s been so fun!

Since the episode won’t air until March 2 (put it in your calendars immediately!), I cannot and will not mention the outcome or hint knowingly toward any outcome. Enjoy the first 2 installments of my Wheel of Fortune craziness (“installments”!?!?...who AM I!?) and stay tuned for after March 2, when I will post the game and post game details. Weeeeeeeee!!!!!

Pre-WOF Day

More than a year ago, who knows exactly?.....Phebe and I become ridiculously addicted to playing Wheel of Fortune on Facebook. No seriously, it was a problem. I'd have to rip myself away after 2 hours because the dishes in my sink had GOT to be cleaned. I stopped being social, stopped eating and sleeping...just kidding. It wasn't that bad. But you get my point. And I don’t feel as ashamed sharing this because look where it got me. So judge all you want. But I was on Wheel of Fortune J

So randomly, I decided to just up and look up the application to be a contestant. I keep saying that I did this just for kicks and giggles. I applied on the WOF page, thinking that nothing would come of it. All they asked for was my basic personal information, name, address, what I do for a living, whether or not I am in the military…that type of thing. I clicked on submit, thought briefly about how fun it would be to actually spin the wheel, then got up and hung out with my girl Ruby. Or grabbed a healthy snack. Or cleaned my bathroom. Or something.

Fast forward, I don’t know, 6 months later? I check my email and lo and behold there’s some random email with WHEEL OF FORTUNE, all letters in upper case, in the subject line. Weird. I open it and I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped a bit. It was an “by invitation only” email asking me to join them at the auditions in Boston a couple of weeks later, in late September. I read it, giggled a bit, and then saw the date. It was during work. I had already taken my 2 personal days for my Ironman, used another day for the road trip back. There was NO WAY I would be allowed to take another day off for, haha, a Wheel of Fortune audition. How silly. And THEN it was cemented in my brain that it wouldn’t happen when I saw that I had an IEP meeting that day for one of my students…an extremely important meeting attended by all the important people that have to do with this kid’s education and such. No way. Shoot. Blast. It just wasn’t going to happen. Until I thought to myself, “I should at least ask. No hurt in asking…” So I asked. And my super awesome boss replied:

"Combine this with the triathlon and you win the prize, hands-down, for creative excuses to miss school. Wouldn't the best move, given the need for speed, be to RSVP yes? I'm betting it will be fine, but if for some reason it's not, it will be easier to say "sorry Vanna I can't make it," later, than to respond too late. That's my recommendation. That, and buy vowels early and watch out for "Bankrupt."

No. Way. Holy cow I was going to audition for WOF. Whatever, nothing would probably come of it. But I was going to try, gosh darnit. So to get ready I re-familiarized myself with the game on TV, read up on Wheel strategies, and my two awesome friends helped train me one night while watching the show. Brett did beat me, but it made me stronger. He also did a little pretending and he was Pat asking me about myself and I'd give my shpeal. I felt like I was in that hockey movie when the coach is yelling at his players and making them skate as fast as they can and keeps saying, "AGAIN!" Brett was relentless. And I thank him :) Faith gave great pointers, like when I say a letter, don't say it in a questioning tone like, 'L?', but rather say it with confidence. Thank you, Faithie Cakes!

So fast forward to September 28^th. My great, I’m-totally-comfortable-with-Boston-and-will-totally-drive-you-in-during-rush-hour-in-style friend Chris drove me to the audition. I made sure to look my cutest, and to look like I would be a great contestant. Not quite sure how to do this, or what that meant, I still felt like I looked the part. Great. So it was held at the hoity-toity Lenox hotel, and conveniently, Ryan Reynolds was in the middle of taping for a movie right down the street at the same time, so I suddenly felt like I was in Hollywood. Ryan Reynolds, cameras, the wheel. What else did I need to feel like a total superstar living in a dream? But, as you know, it got better!!

During the audition we were squeezed like sardines into 70 chairs in a conference room. At the front was a screen and a pretty pathetic looking wheel that did the job. We sat down and filled out some paperwork about ourselves using (GASP!) little pencils that said “I auditioned for Wheel of Fortune.” Obviously I was going to keep this pencil forever and display it in a shadow box or something. So there was a puzzle guy who sat behind his computer and put the puzzles up on the board. He was like the old, grumpy, and not-nearly-as-pretty-and-blond Vanna White for the day, since he flipped over the letters as they were called out. There were 3 other staff in the room telling us what to do and I wanted to be friends with all of them immediately. They had enthusiasm that would put mine to shame. I was like a shy kid on his first day of school compared to them. Just being in their presence made me want to jump up and down and do toe touches. So, obviously, they were the perfect people for this job. And I immediately wanted to look into how to join them as contestant staff. Maybe some other time, when my veins are MADE of 5-hour energy. Seriously. Crazy.

So staff would yell out a person’s name, person would have to stand up and depending on the puzzle up on the screen, yell out a letter just like realsies. Depending on whether the letter was up there, you’d call out another letter, buy a vowel, and solve if you could. They were looking for enthusiasm, presence, logical thinking, tone and volume of the voices. Here was my winning strategy going into it. Be as obnoxious as possible. Don’t leave anything behind. Now, being pretty enthusiastic already, I felt confident that turning it up as many notches as possible would be ideal. So this is what I did. I knew that because my cheeks hurt, my hands hurt, and I was annoyed with myself about 10 minutes into this 3-hour thing, I had done my best and SHOULD (fingers crossed) get a spot. So anyway, they called my name, I stood up and it was a new puzzle. I shouted (loudly, with confidence, and with a smile on my face and a clap afterward whatever happened) “N”!!!! Buzzer buzzed. No ‘N’. Are you kidding me? I sat down clapping and laughing heartily and questioned whether that was really what they would base their decision on. Thankfully, they called my name again because they wanted to see me again. I got to call more than one letter. Woo! I gotta say, I was SO shocked with the lack of enthusiasm some people brought with them to the WHEEL OF FORTUNE AUDITION. I don’t care who you are, how little your voice is, or how much confidence you’re lacking, because girl, you are at an AUDITION for the Wheel. This display could get you a spot on the Wheel, where you would go home with a minimum of $1,000. You best reach deep inside of you to find that presence and strong voice and enthusiasm. Well, so many people didn’t. I found that to be a huge surprise and an even more huge advantage for me. So please, keep up the shy, questionable letter callings-out.

So then we had to take a 5-minute test that consisted of about 16-18 word puzzles. There were a number of blanks and some were already filled out. The WOF category was there for you. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I got all of them. I was psyched. I had thought that since people were here for the Wheel, they’d all be good at this and I would be just one of hundreds who got them all. Not so. After asking the girl next to me how she thought she did, she answered by saying that she only got 4. Look at me now, people who judged me for doing so many Variety puzzles! Mmmhmmm. So then they took the test in with our questionnaires (in which I used my teacher card and my Ironman card…I shared both of these things, thinking the well-roundedness and accomplishment would surely get me in) for about 30 minutes to grade them and read up on us. We all returned to our sardine spots and they announced 24 people that they wanted to keep. The women on either side of me had to get up and leave. Their names were not called. Mine was. Just hearing my name called, I was on cloud nine and felt like I was on a reality show and the others liked me and I was not voted off the island. SWEET! So then, they had us actually go up to the front of the room, 6 at a time, and pretend to spin the wheel and call out letters. After they had seen us all for a good amount of time, they had us do a mock introduction, as if we were telling Pat about ourselves during the show. Again, I played the teacher and Ironman cards (GREAT cards to play if you have ‘em). Again, I was crazy enthusiastic and clapped for the others when it was their turn. I laughed and smiled and drove myself nuts. We also had to pretend to spin the wheel, as if it was in front of us. Again, I was not impressed with some of the acting skills displayed by my “competitors”. But I found this to be another advantage for me. When it was my turn, I bent way down, put my arm way out to the right, did the wheel-spinning action, and of COURSE of COURSE, yelled “BIG MONEY!!!” as loud as I could. So we did that for a bit, other people took their turns, it was great fun and while I hoped I would get a letter 2 weeks later, I had my “I auditioned for Wheel of Fortune!” pencil and no one could take that away from me.

Fast forward 2 weeks later. No letter. Oh well, it was a fun audition. Hold up! Fast forward 2 weeks and 2 DAYS later, however, WINNINNNGGGG!!! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw “Wheel of Fortune” at the top of the envelope. I laughed and danced and giggled all the way up the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment. Glory be I’d be in their files and would eventually be a contestant on their show. Tens of thousands of people apply for the show and only 600 get on the show per year. What the heck. This is when the “surreal” started to happen. I called my family, unabashedly wrote a Facebook status in all caps, and read the letter over and over. It was a very confusing letter and didn’t quite understand all they were saying, but gosh darnit I was going to be a contestant!!! This letter meant I’d get a call within something crazy like 18 months. So I realized that I would have to just forget about it, move on with my real life, and be surprised all over again when I got the call.

Fast forward another month or so. Got out of the shower, saw I had a message, and GASP saw that I didn’t recognize the area code. Omigosh could this be it? Or was it just the American Red Cross calling me again or unbeknownst to me did I somehow subscribe to another stupid magazine (how does this happen, anyway!? I’m so bad at being a mature, responsible adult…)? Oh, no big deal, it was just one of the crazies from the audition, Shannon, calling to ask if I was ready to come out to LA in 2 weeks to be a contestant. HOLY. CRAP. My friend Amy Dodd was visiting that week and was in the kitchen. I ran into the kitchen and started jumping up and down and started shrieking, but just quietly so I could hear what good ol’ Shannon had to say. I got off and hugged Amy and we were awkwardly jumping up and down at the same time. Then immediately after Amy got a restricted phone call and yells, “maybe that’s the Wheel calling me, too!” Oh, Amy J

So planning on people coming, what to wear, how to study, all took a toll on me. I eventually ended up taking Amy D with me (my other potential guests, Amy F and Phebe couldn’t for other reasons…boo!) and wearing a purple top and white corduroys and let’s not forget the cute earrings, and I watched a ton of Wheel episodes on YouTube and played the game on Facebook. My intense training was during Thanksgiving so my brother and his family were home. I felt so bad but am thankful for my family, who understood when I was glued to my computer and I would almost always answer their requests with, “…after this round.”

Wow. You made it through the first installment. Good for you! You are a true supporter. I have a 6-hour plane ride today. Gotta charge my computer battery so I can write the next chapter way up in the air. Which is exactly where I have felt I’ve been for the past couple of weeks, so it works really well.

This Blog is ALL OVER the Place.

Man. This month has been cuh-RAAAAZYYY. In a really really ridiculously GREAT way. September 2011, kids, it's one for the books. I mean, for my books. I guess. I'm sure you can relate although it may not be September o' 2011 for you.

Let me break it down into 3 very crazy and I-never-thought-I'd-do-this events.

1. Ironman.

2. Tattoo (in honor of said ironman).

3. Wheel of Fortune audition...hopefully will get a BIG MONEY (come and be a contestant for realzies) letter in 2 weeks!

4. Boyfri---oh wait. Ok fine this is a goal that comes and goes. God's timing, sigh.

These BIG things, though, ironically make me think of the smaller things that really aren't that crazy, but are significant because it's just me, livin' life, while being blessed by God. No I mean, REALLY little, miniscule, normal day-to-day things. I'm starting a bible reading in one year thingy with my church and naturally, we have started in Genesis (and Job). I am NOT great at this on my own for the most part, and am glad I'm doing it with some other crazy kids. Well anyway, I love starting in Genesis because I feel like I'm starting fresh, I'm going in not having to feel like I have to know about stories, God made man and animals and the WORLD (no biggie) and I get that. I mean, in my little mind I get that and I don't have to memorize names and begot's and such. I ALSO love that I get something new from the beginning of Genesis every time. This time, it goes back to what I was saying before. God has blessed me with crazy big events that are fun and exciting, but he has also blessed me (and you) with the tiniest things that don't get that crazy attention. For example: a new day (sometimes I'll remember to kind of freak out with thanksgiving in the morning when I wake up, fully aware that I don't deserve the life I have), laughter, dancing, food, great friends, a church home, a coffee date, a smile, printer cords, sleep, fun nights out, music, a cute outfit, skype, an encouraging note. I don't know where I'm going with this (which is why, I think, blogging intimidates me for the most part...I feel this pressure to be organized and to make sense and feel like I never do either one of these). Thing is, God made me and you in His image. And I continue to look down on myself and complain about the STUPIDEST things (so-called "boyfriend", money, traffic, Market Basket, writing reports, fruit flies), all the while God is loving me and continuing to be with me. There's a song called Times by Tenth Avenue North that I can't get enough of sometimes. I'll just play it over and over and over; the chorus goes a little something like this (no, if this were in person I would NOT sing it to you):

my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends

It's ironic I guess that I'm putting these lyrics up in a blog when I'm like, September has been AWESOME! But I think that because it has been awesome, I've almost forgotten about the One who has provided it, and I've been convicted of putting those events and praise and people before Him.

I think I have officially gone all over the place with this blog and it doesn't make sense! In conclusion, which considering the trend may have to do nothing with what I just wrote, I'm thankful for God and His love and and his unrelenting forgiveness. He's just so dang good.

A Novel About An Ironman

So….Ironman. Let me preface this by saying, if you’re not really interested in this, then eks-out immediately. Because it’s gonna be a long one. There’s no way around it. That’s why I literally drove to Panera just to do it. Because otherwise I’d find other things to do. You know, like you have a paper to write and by the end of the day your apartment is miraculously sparkling clean, you’ve paid all your bills and returned all the phone calls you had to make? Thinking about blogging this experience is like that. A little daunting. But I promised my FB friends I’d do it today. So….here goes. Find a seat, grab a beer or some grapes and put your feet up. You might actually need more sustenance than that. Get some healthy protein and fuel up.

First off, many people get the triathlon/Ironman lingo confused, which makes sense. A triathlon can be any distance. A sprint is the shortest length, an Olympic/international is the medium length, and people usually refer to the Ironman and half Ironman when talking about the longest (or half of that) length. If I were being technical, I’d call it the “Full Rev” because the company who put this particular race on was not Ironman, but Revolution3. So their cute name is the Full Rev. But if I called it that to someone who didn’t know triathlons, that would mean nothing. Understandable. So…I’m referring to my 140.6 distance as Ironman. I hope those of you who are die-hard triathletes don’t cringe every time I do this.

Getting TO Ohio was a pain. One of my best friends was forced to evacuate her house the morning I planned on driving there. I was going to pick her up and she was going to come with me. Sadly, it was almost impossible to get to her later that day because of the flooding so I had to skip seeing her and bringing her with me. Wah. She is currently working on emptying sewage from and power washing her basement. Stupid water ruined our most awesome reunion. I love you, Amy Doodle (Ruby calls you “Dudu”…how do you feel about that?). So anyway, because of this, ALL DAY, while at work and then in the car driving toward Binghamton NY, my father and I were calling each other back and forth, plans continued to change, I finally found myself in a Day’s Inn in Fishkill NY. After I told my father he was the wind beneath my wings for doing so much for me while I drove, he said, “that’s alright, but I need a tall cold one when I get home.” What a doll, that man.

My family met me the next morning in Fishkill and we drove to Ohio. That afternoon Phebe and I met my coach Dan Graovac in the Cedar Point amusement park and we went on some crazy roller coasters. Because this is about the race and not about roller coasters, I’ll go ahead and skip explaining them. EXCEPT if you ever go, do yourself a favor and ride the Top Thrill Dragster. It goes from 0 to 120 mph in 4 seconds. Let’s just say I felt like my hair was all askew for the next 24 hours. I rode it twice. It was awesome.

The next day, Saturday, was full of meetings, getting my packet, dropping off my ike eating the right thing but not eating too much, hydrating but not hydrating too much, packing bags, trying to think of everything I needed yet trying not to think or do anything at all. Kind of impossible. It actually turned out to be quite stressful, as I didn’t quite understand how to pack. In all triathlons I’ve ever been in, you have a transition mat next to your bike where you set up everything you will need. Not here. They didn’t want you to have anything other than your bike and helmet at your spot. SO, I was given 4 bags for different places, to hold different things. “Swim to Bike”, “Bike to Run”, “Bike Special Needs” and “Run Special Needs”. A little humorous that “Special Needs” is the title of the masters I’m in school for right now, and the two have nothing in common. Like, NOTHING. Anywiggles…

I thought it was strange that considering the race I was about to take part in, I never felt nervous. I kept assuring myself that I may not be nervous now, but I’ll definitely get nervous at so-and-so a point. When that didn’t happen, I’d tell myself again that I’d definitely get nervous at a different point. Nope. Nothing. Phebe kept asking me if I was nervous yet. I woke up the morning of the race and the first thing Phebe said to me was, “Are you nervous yet?” I confidently said “no”. I got a great night’s sleep, and I’m sure there weren’t many who did. I give God the credit here. If I was nervous about this, it would have been a whole other ball game. Well not a ball game, endurance race. I don’t know.

Okay. Sunday morning, 4:30am…the party began I was totally excited; happy to put on my super awesome GFORCE trisuit (which is actually called a tri KIT and I think this is weird…I can’t help but automatically think about a boat building kit or a set of Legos or something) and sport my tattoo’d biceps and calf. My father was so cute in his white (what we call “Cruise Director”) shoes and track suit, ready to walk down to transition with me. My mother also came and I was so glad they did because I had to send my dad back because I DID forget waterbottles and Body Glide (which is something that prevents chafing). I was able to see Phebe and Ruby a ton before the horn went off and we took pictures and were all cute together. Since it was the 10^th anniversary of 9/11, they had put together a display to honor the victims. There were hundreds of small flags on the beach, along with a helmet and boots, and a bib numbered 911. The Star-Spangled Banner was especially touching this time around because of the anniversary.

Phebe was crazy with my camera while we waited for the horn to go off, and I was glad about this because if I had any inkling to get nervous, I was totally distracted by her being Phebe and totally fun and entertaining. The swim was in Lake Erie, which is awesome because I hate long swims in ocean water (the salt water eventually makes my tongue feel like it's inside-out...weird I know) and because the first 3 years of my life I lived in a house RIGHT next to Lake Erie. Like legit. It was my backyard. The first 20 feet of the water (or so) was SLUDGE. Muddy, yucky sludge. Not lake water. It was like mud and people were getting stuck. Haha and this was just the beginning:) I was a little grossed out but was forced to not care and dive right in. So I did. Ew. But so did everyone else.

I am very fortunate not to hate the swim portion. I think it's safe to say most triathletes like the swim the least because they are usually mainly run/bike athletes, and the swim is just the obstacle they have to overcome in order to GET to their main sports. I don't mind it. Oh, and this was a "mass start" which means that all the participants of the full had to start together. In other words, about 400ish people all getting into the water at the same time, following the same route, hitting each other with their hands and feet, being aggressive to get around others. This is my least favorite part of the swim because it takes a TON of mental energy to plan where to go and how to get by athletes while you are getting hit every now and then. It's also the hardest for me because combine this with the nerves, and the sometimes-panicking-because-the wetsuit-is-constricting feeling, and well, it's hard to breathe normally. I felt like things really calmed down about halfway into the swim, which was longer than I thought it would be. Oh well. With about 30 minutes left, I started feeling my left rotator cuff and was really nervous that it would affect the rest of my swim and possibly the rest of my race. Fortunately, I didn't feel it on the bike but felt it a bit on the run, but it wasn't enough to make me stop. During my mini panic attack because of my rotator cuff, I was distracted because it was BEAUTIFUL outside at this point, and I remember smiling because the sun was really coming out while swimming. The weather was really really perfect for this day. And it was supposed to be rainy and stormy. Perfect!!

Getting out of the water was exciting and it was deceiving because I couldn't help thinking, 1 of 3 events done, so 1/3 of the race is over! HA! Not so much. So at some triathlons, they have wetsuit strippers. Seriously. Wetsuits can be tricky to get off I guess so there are people assigned to help get them off. Personally, I don't have a hard time getting it off so I wasn't planning on using them, but they literally pointed me toward them and the two assigned to me yelled for me to sit down and put my legs up. So I started laughing because there are times when I think "what am I doing with my life?" and this was just funny to me. I sat down, put my feet up, and the 2 guys ripped it off so fast so I started laughing again. And that was it. I was amazed. So this was where those bags I mentioned earlier came in. I had to find and grab my bag and was shooed into the women's changing tent. I was so very confused here because I'd never had to do this. I DEFINITELY looked like a novice here as I was galavanting aimlessly, trying to look like I knew what I was doing but totally didn't. So anyway, the changing tent was filled with (brave) volunteers who would do anything you needed them to do. When I say "changing" I don't mean you show off your birthday suit. And I certainly hope I'm speaking for everyone here. It's a place where you put on anything you need for the bike portion. For me, I took off my swim cap and goggles, and put on socks, bike shoes, helmet, and sunglasses while eating a PowerBar as fast as I could at the same time. Still confused, I almost went out the wrong way, but it's cool. And I tried to play it cool. Coachy continued to tell me the importance of taking it slow during transitions because I needed to make sure I took the time then to assure I'd be comfortable for 112 miles out on the course. I had this mindset until I got into the tent and everyone was busting their butts to get done what they needed to get done. I found myself rushing like everyone else, and in doing so, forgot to pack my extra bars in my trisuit. Dang people. Ruined my plan to take my time during transitions and put my feet up and have tea with my family. Just kidding. But seriously, I meant to enjoy myself a little more during transitions.

The bike was fine. It was long. And part of the course was changed due to flooding, so some of it was on some HORRIBLE gravely surface (I'd estimate about 20-30% was on this horrid surface), and this made it hard to comfortably be in the aero position (which is when you see cyclists resting their forearms on their bikes....more aerodynamic). Okay. Believe it or not, there are some pretty gross things that come about in endurance events and since, evidentally, I'm being so very long-winded and detailed here, I'm going to include some of those things. If you are grossed out easily, or are quick to judge, skip the parts that are in italics. Let's practice. Earwax. Phlegm. Tarantulas. Bowel movement. The fish casserole I was forced to eat when I was little. Being told I shouldn't eat ice cream. If you skipped that part and are reading this now, GREAT JOB! You got the hang of it very quickly. Okay now I will continue. In italics. Take warning. If you think about it, sitting on a bike for 6+ hours can bring about some major irritation DOWN THERE. A pro lovingly calls that particular not comfy situation, "Sally the Saddle Sore" and I think this is cute so I'll just call it Sally. So I started feeling Sally stick her head out pretty early on in the bike ride and I was bummed about that. Otherwise, I felt my legs and my neck hurt a little at times because I found myself straining it to look up while the rest of my body was parallel to the ground. The "Special Needs Bike" bag was placed at the halfway point and I was so excited to get it because I had forgotten to pack more solid food and was really starting to feel depleted. And this is the fat kid talking, I had a Snickers bar in there and was excited to eat it. I realized that Snickers bars are not exciting when I can't sit and enjoy it. It was just really sugary and not the heaven I had expected to experience. I also took this time to refill my water bottle with a mix of Gatorade and water, and pack more solid food. And about 10 feet after I got on, I hit a bump and my bike calculator fell off so I had to get off and run back to get it. I complain about this, but follow it up immediately by celebrating with you that I DIDN'T GET A FLAT TIRE DURING MY RACE!!! I was nervous that I'd get one because even though I've seen them changed and have been taught how to do it, I've never had to do it in a race and didn't want this one to be my first experience. So yay. This course was very flat, because, well, it was in Ohio. I thought that this would make it really really easy, which relatively speaking (the Mooseman, I mean DEATH in the form of hills, comes to mind) it was, but I forgot that this means there would be no momentum from downhills. So while it was flat, there were many times when I felt like I was going uphill due to the lack of momentum. I was good about eating and/or drinking nutrition every 15 minutes or so, because why wouldn't I be good at this? Clif shots and Gu Chews are delicious. I did get nervous with about 20 miles left because I felt the slopping of liquid in my stomach and I wanted my stomach to be in good shape to run a marathon, without the threat of cramping. Fortunately this thought passed quickly and my run wasn't affected negatively because of it.

It was SO SO SO good to get off the bike. I can usually jog to my bike post after the bike but after trying this I realized that I would have to walk. Again, this was transition, when I had originally planned on attending a brief get-together with my family while playing it cool. Because, face it, this was a long day whether I spent 2 minutes in transition or 20 minutes. But I was moved along by everyone around me being all crazy and hurried. I definitely forgot where my bike post was and again, looked like a novice. I eventually found #454 (represent!) and got my "Bike to Run" bag and headed into the changing tent (please, I was such a pro at this by now). So again, the amazing volunteers. I was gross at this point, and a girl comes up and asks me what I need. I took off my helmet, sunglasses, bike shoes, and put on a fresh pair of socks, running sneakers, my knee brace, my number belt, my headband, and packed some Gu's into my trisuit while the girl smeared sunblock all over my sweaty dirty shoulders, then touched my sweaty socks as she stuffed them into my bag. I told her she was very brave and she responded by saying she was a neurologist. Okay, fair enough.

Getting my body to move again took a little bit but once I started my quads had to do what I told them to do. I replayed Coachy's words when he continued to say "slow and steady" and knew that I wasn't here to try and get a PR for my marathon. I really enjoyed the route, actually, which I wasn't expecting, because I thought I would just 100% hate life at this point. I'd hate life for a goal of 5 or less hours. But I totally didn't! I just put one foot in front of the other and tried to enjoy my surroundings. There were portions that went right along the lake, and the 2 miles going away from transition (which we hit 4 times since it was 2 loops of the same route) were on the causeway, so we were surrounded by Lake Erie. Awesome. People often ask me what I think about when I'm running or biking for long periods of time. I can almost never tell them. I'd say the same thing here. I mean, I remember I heard Respect sung by one of my besties (again....Amy what does this mean? Seriously? You need to be nicer to me?) in my head. I remember thinking about how awesome the volunteers were. OOH I remember thinking that triathlons could work pretty well as a speed dating type of service. Okay okay here's why. So everyone had to put their age on the back of their right calf. So every time you passed someone or they passed you, BAM, there is their age. So obviously, you have the same interest, triathlons, obviously you love it so much that you spend a lot of time training, but dang, I wonder what the age difference is. Oh wait, it's right there, on their right calf. So many questions answered, just like that. There was one guy (age 29...said so on his right calf) with whom I tried to strike up a conversation and I don't think he liked what I said. I don't think I liked what I said. I go, "Is this your first or second loop?" He responds by telling me it's his 1st. I make the game-show-you-lose sound effect noise and say "me too." Then I passed him (ahaha I couldn't help but include that little tidbit). Maybe this is why I have such a hard time with dating. Ha. Well whatever. In my defense I was in the middle of 140.6 miles and being a cutie pie wasn't my first priority. So I really thought that I was going to psychologically go crazy when I got to the halfway point of the run. They had us run ALL THE WAY back to transition and the finish line was right there, but if only halfway, you had to turn around and do the loop ALL THE FREAKING OVER AGAIN. I think that because I was mentally prepared for this, I didn't care. Thank the Lord above. Because mentality is so crucial and can influence you positively or negatively. I tried to thank as many volunteers as possible because while they're awesome, it also keeps my mind off of the craziness that's happening at the same time. My goal, before I felt what I was feeling during the run, was to not walk at all. HAHAHA I laugh at this goal of mine. I really think I benefited from walking at a lot of the water stops because I was able to take the time needed to get in proper nutrition. I often grabbed ice water and would drink the water, then dump the ice down the front and back of my trisuit, to try to regulate body temperature as much as possible. Well this seemed like a great idea at first, until I started feeling that familiar feeling of chafing...but this was a different place than what I have ever experienced before. So the ice would melt down my back and roll down. I literally got diaper rash. Fast forward to after the race and literally asked Phebe if she packed any diaper rash cream. Unfortunately, I guess Ruby is too mature for cream. Dang. I got diaper rash wounds. WOUNDS! I'm throwing Coachy under the bus and saying that he had the same issue hahah. How's the whole skipping-the-italics goin' for ya now? At one water stop I tried to shoot my empty cup into the trash and a guy said, "did you play basketball?" As though I had actually made it. Which I didn't. I said yes and kept running. Second loop around and he remembered me and I told him I had played through college ha. So, speed dating, diaper rash, epically failing bring back Basketballin' Jaq was behind me. I remembered walking while eating pretzels (salt retains water) and realizing that I had an hour and 15 minutes to run 6 miles to the end, if I wanted to BEAT my goal of between 13 and 14 hours. I literally threw my cup down and said, "it's go time!" Remember, I'm not made of much here. I was a little loopy, kind of like Ruby when it's way past her bedtime and she starts acting a little bit drunk. So I kept this in mind every mile and managed my time so I could dig deep and run quicker than I had previously and still get some breaks to walk and drink some liquids. I was passing people left and right because they were at their hit-the-wall place and I had a clear goal in front of me I wanted to beat. It was nothing but encouraging to pass people who looked like, from the body makeup alone, they should be beating ME. I learned awhile ago that this doesn't matter and I can't get intimidated by this because I'm strong despite the lack of abdominal muscles and existence of flabby arm. Getting closer to the finish line was SO EXCITING and I really thought I'd lose it seeing the roller coasters in the distance, knowing that my day-long workout was almost over. I had worked so dang hard and here was my time to shine! BUT, I kept it in and I was glad because I was nervous I'd hyperventilate or something because it's hard to breathe when running and crying at the same time. I sprinted passed 2 people right before the mat leading to the finish line and that was fun:) Always awesome to pass people. I was handed an American flag and ran my heart out to the finish line. I saw my family and my coach before crossing. They announced my name and put my picture up on the big screen. Omigosh.

Omigosh. I have never ever ever EVER been so proud. Again, I have spent so much time training. In late elementary school and early high school I was very overweight at 200+ pounds and couldn't imagine running just to run. My favorite thing to do was sit in front of the TV and eat cheese and crackers. I was made fun of by mean classmates. I was told to call Jenny Craig, girls I thought were my friends drew a picture of a pig on the white board in elementary school and labeled it as me (I thought this hatred only happened in movies) and I was called Fatso. Someone in my life told me when I was younger to do them a favor and try to lose some weight. These things stick. You don't forget them, as much as you try to act cool. I didn't expect to include this here but it just makes sense. I want to encourage you to take the mean things that might have been said to you or about you and turn them around to give you momentum to make you stronger. It doesn't matter what it is. Please, it doesn't need to be an Ironman. I guess it was an Ironman for me, though.

Anyway, post Ironman....it's Tuesday afternoon, 2 days later, and I'm still elated and filled with pride. I am deeply moved by everyone's support. Holy cow I can't believe my Facebook page still works after all the attention it has received. And my family. OH my family. They have been absolutely wonderful and I'm so glad that most of them could be there to support me and cheer me on. I missed my brother and his family, and my brother-in-law. I am also blessed to be part of a school where the faculty do what they can to enable me to leave for a long period of time. And oooh Jesus. He has planned each step to this moment and I'm thankful for each step. Well, steps are a little difficult to go up and down at the moment but I guess I could be thankful for them because going backwards on stairs is actually good for healing. Ha.

And now I have to go back to work tomorrow. What?

WOW. You read this much. Thanks for your interest and support. Next up? Well, planning my races for next season, but most importantly right now? IRONMAN TATTOO!!!!!