A Novel About An Ironman

So….Ironman. Let me preface this by saying, if you’re not really interested in this, then eks-out immediately. Because it’s gonna be a long one. There’s no way around it. That’s why I literally drove to Panera just to do it. Because otherwise I’d find other things to do. You know, like you have a paper to write and by the end of the day your apartment is miraculously sparkling clean, you’ve paid all your bills and returned all the phone calls you had to make? Thinking about blogging this experience is like that. A little daunting. But I promised my FB friends I’d do it today. So….here goes. Find a seat, grab a beer or some grapes and put your feet up. You might actually need more sustenance than that. Get some healthy protein and fuel up.

First off, many people get the triathlon/Ironman lingo confused, which makes sense. A triathlon can be any distance. A sprint is the shortest length, an Olympic/international is the medium length, and people usually refer to the Ironman and half Ironman when talking about the longest (or half of that) length. If I were being technical, I’d call it the “Full Rev” because the company who put this particular race on was not Ironman, but Revolution3. So their cute name is the Full Rev. But if I called it that to someone who didn’t know triathlons, that would mean nothing. Understandable. So…I’m referring to my 140.6 distance as Ironman. I hope those of you who are die-hard triathletes don’t cringe every time I do this.

Getting TO Ohio was a pain. One of my best friends was forced to evacuate her house the morning I planned on driving there. I was going to pick her up and she was going to come with me. Sadly, it was almost impossible to get to her later that day because of the flooding so I had to skip seeing her and bringing her with me. Wah. She is currently working on emptying sewage from and power washing her basement. Stupid water ruined our most awesome reunion. I love you, Amy Doodle (Ruby calls you “Dudu”…how do you feel about that?). So anyway, because of this, ALL DAY, while at work and then in the car driving toward Binghamton NY, my father and I were calling each other back and forth, plans continued to change, I finally found myself in a Day’s Inn in Fishkill NY. After I told my father he was the wind beneath my wings for doing so much for me while I drove, he said, “that’s alright, but I need a tall cold one when I get home.” What a doll, that man.

My family met me the next morning in Fishkill and we drove to Ohio. That afternoon Phebe and I met my coach Dan Graovac in the Cedar Point amusement park and we went on some crazy roller coasters. Because this is about the race and not about roller coasters, I’ll go ahead and skip explaining them. EXCEPT if you ever go, do yourself a favor and ride the Top Thrill Dragster. It goes from 0 to 120 mph in 4 seconds. Let’s just say I felt like my hair was all askew for the next 24 hours. I rode it twice. It was awesome.

The next day, Saturday, was full of meetings, getting my packet, dropping off my ike eating the right thing but not eating too much, hydrating but not hydrating too much, packing bags, trying to think of everything I needed yet trying not to think or do anything at all. Kind of impossible. It actually turned out to be quite stressful, as I didn’t quite understand how to pack. In all triathlons I’ve ever been in, you have a transition mat next to your bike where you set up everything you will need. Not here. They didn’t want you to have anything other than your bike and helmet at your spot. SO, I was given 4 bags for different places, to hold different things. “Swim to Bike”, “Bike to Run”, “Bike Special Needs” and “Run Special Needs”. A little humorous that “Special Needs” is the title of the masters I’m in school for right now, and the two have nothing in common. Like, NOTHING. Anywiggles…

I thought it was strange that considering the race I was about to take part in, I never felt nervous. I kept assuring myself that I may not be nervous now, but I’ll definitely get nervous at so-and-so a point. When that didn’t happen, I’d tell myself again that I’d definitely get nervous at a different point. Nope. Nothing. Phebe kept asking me if I was nervous yet. I woke up the morning of the race and the first thing Phebe said to me was, “Are you nervous yet?” I confidently said “no”. I got a great night’s sleep, and I’m sure there weren’t many who did. I give God the credit here. If I was nervous about this, it would have been a whole other ball game. Well not a ball game, endurance race. I don’t know.

Okay. Sunday morning, 4:30am…the party began I was totally excited; happy to put on my super awesome GFORCE trisuit (which is actually called a tri KIT and I think this is weird…I can’t help but automatically think about a boat building kit or a set of Legos or something) and sport my tattoo’d biceps and calf. My father was so cute in his white (what we call “Cruise Director”) shoes and track suit, ready to walk down to transition with me. My mother also came and I was so glad they did because I had to send my dad back because I DID forget waterbottles and Body Glide (which is something that prevents chafing). I was able to see Phebe and Ruby a ton before the horn went off and we took pictures and were all cute together. Since it was the 10^th anniversary of 9/11, they had put together a display to honor the victims. There were hundreds of small flags on the beach, along with a helmet and boots, and a bib numbered 911. The Star-Spangled Banner was especially touching this time around because of the anniversary.

Phebe was crazy with my camera while we waited for the horn to go off, and I was glad about this because if I had any inkling to get nervous, I was totally distracted by her being Phebe and totally fun and entertaining. The swim was in Lake Erie, which is awesome because I hate long swims in ocean water (the salt water eventually makes my tongue feel like it's inside-out...weird I know) and because the first 3 years of my life I lived in a house RIGHT next to Lake Erie. Like legit. It was my backyard. The first 20 feet of the water (or so) was SLUDGE. Muddy, yucky sludge. Not lake water. It was like mud and people were getting stuck. Haha and this was just the beginning:) I was a little grossed out but was forced to not care and dive right in. So I did. Ew. But so did everyone else.

I am very fortunate not to hate the swim portion. I think it's safe to say most triathletes like the swim the least because they are usually mainly run/bike athletes, and the swim is just the obstacle they have to overcome in order to GET to their main sports. I don't mind it. Oh, and this was a "mass start" which means that all the participants of the full had to start together. In other words, about 400ish people all getting into the water at the same time, following the same route, hitting each other with their hands and feet, being aggressive to get around others. This is my least favorite part of the swim because it takes a TON of mental energy to plan where to go and how to get by athletes while you are getting hit every now and then. It's also the hardest for me because combine this with the nerves, and the sometimes-panicking-because-the wetsuit-is-constricting feeling, and well, it's hard to breathe normally. I felt like things really calmed down about halfway into the swim, which was longer than I thought it would be. Oh well. With about 30 minutes left, I started feeling my left rotator cuff and was really nervous that it would affect the rest of my swim and possibly the rest of my race. Fortunately, I didn't feel it on the bike but felt it a bit on the run, but it wasn't enough to make me stop. During my mini panic attack because of my rotator cuff, I was distracted because it was BEAUTIFUL outside at this point, and I remember smiling because the sun was really coming out while swimming. The weather was really really perfect for this day. And it was supposed to be rainy and stormy. Perfect!!

Getting out of the water was exciting and it was deceiving because I couldn't help thinking, 1 of 3 events done, so 1/3 of the race is over! HA! Not so much. So at some triathlons, they have wetsuit strippers. Seriously. Wetsuits can be tricky to get off I guess so there are people assigned to help get them off. Personally, I don't have a hard time getting it off so I wasn't planning on using them, but they literally pointed me toward them and the two assigned to me yelled for me to sit down and put my legs up. So I started laughing because there are times when I think "what am I doing with my life?" and this was just funny to me. I sat down, put my feet up, and the 2 guys ripped it off so fast so I started laughing again. And that was it. I was amazed. So this was where those bags I mentioned earlier came in. I had to find and grab my bag and was shooed into the women's changing tent. I was so very confused here because I'd never had to do this. I DEFINITELY looked like a novice here as I was galavanting aimlessly, trying to look like I knew what I was doing but totally didn't. So anyway, the changing tent was filled with (brave) volunteers who would do anything you needed them to do. When I say "changing" I don't mean you show off your birthday suit. And I certainly hope I'm speaking for everyone here. It's a place where you put on anything you need for the bike portion. For me, I took off my swim cap and goggles, and put on socks, bike shoes, helmet, and sunglasses while eating a PowerBar as fast as I could at the same time. Still confused, I almost went out the wrong way, but it's cool. And I tried to play it cool. Coachy continued to tell me the importance of taking it slow during transitions because I needed to make sure I took the time then to assure I'd be comfortable for 112 miles out on the course. I had this mindset until I got into the tent and everyone was busting their butts to get done what they needed to get done. I found myself rushing like everyone else, and in doing so, forgot to pack my extra bars in my trisuit. Dang people. Ruined my plan to take my time during transitions and put my feet up and have tea with my family. Just kidding. But seriously, I meant to enjoy myself a little more during transitions.

The bike was fine. It was long. And part of the course was changed due to flooding, so some of it was on some HORRIBLE gravely surface (I'd estimate about 20-30% was on this horrid surface), and this made it hard to comfortably be in the aero position (which is when you see cyclists resting their forearms on their bikes....more aerodynamic). Okay. Believe it or not, there are some pretty gross things that come about in endurance events and since, evidentally, I'm being so very long-winded and detailed here, I'm going to include some of those things. If you are grossed out easily, or are quick to judge, skip the parts that are in italics. Let's practice. Earwax. Phlegm. Tarantulas. Bowel movement. The fish casserole I was forced to eat when I was little. Being told I shouldn't eat ice cream. If you skipped that part and are reading this now, GREAT JOB! You got the hang of it very quickly. Okay now I will continue. In italics. Take warning. If you think about it, sitting on a bike for 6+ hours can bring about some major irritation DOWN THERE. A pro lovingly calls that particular not comfy situation, "Sally the Saddle Sore" and I think this is cute so I'll just call it Sally. So I started feeling Sally stick her head out pretty early on in the bike ride and I was bummed about that. Otherwise, I felt my legs and my neck hurt a little at times because I found myself straining it to look up while the rest of my body was parallel to the ground. The "Special Needs Bike" bag was placed at the halfway point and I was so excited to get it because I had forgotten to pack more solid food and was really starting to feel depleted. And this is the fat kid talking, I had a Snickers bar in there and was excited to eat it. I realized that Snickers bars are not exciting when I can't sit and enjoy it. It was just really sugary and not the heaven I had expected to experience. I also took this time to refill my water bottle with a mix of Gatorade and water, and pack more solid food. And about 10 feet after I got on, I hit a bump and my bike calculator fell off so I had to get off and run back to get it. I complain about this, but follow it up immediately by celebrating with you that I DIDN'T GET A FLAT TIRE DURING MY RACE!!! I was nervous that I'd get one because even though I've seen them changed and have been taught how to do it, I've never had to do it in a race and didn't want this one to be my first experience. So yay. This course was very flat, because, well, it was in Ohio. I thought that this would make it really really easy, which relatively speaking (the Mooseman, I mean DEATH in the form of hills, comes to mind) it was, but I forgot that this means there would be no momentum from downhills. So while it was flat, there were many times when I felt like I was going uphill due to the lack of momentum. I was good about eating and/or drinking nutrition every 15 minutes or so, because why wouldn't I be good at this? Clif shots and Gu Chews are delicious. I did get nervous with about 20 miles left because I felt the slopping of liquid in my stomach and I wanted my stomach to be in good shape to run a marathon, without the threat of cramping. Fortunately this thought passed quickly and my run wasn't affected negatively because of it.

It was SO SO SO good to get off the bike. I can usually jog to my bike post after the bike but after trying this I realized that I would have to walk. Again, this was transition, when I had originally planned on attending a brief get-together with my family while playing it cool. Because, face it, this was a long day whether I spent 2 minutes in transition or 20 minutes. But I was moved along by everyone around me being all crazy and hurried. I definitely forgot where my bike post was and again, looked like a novice. I eventually found #454 (represent!) and got my "Bike to Run" bag and headed into the changing tent (please, I was such a pro at this by now). So again, the amazing volunteers. I was gross at this point, and a girl comes up and asks me what I need. I took off my helmet, sunglasses, bike shoes, and put on a fresh pair of socks, running sneakers, my knee brace, my number belt, my headband, and packed some Gu's into my trisuit while the girl smeared sunblock all over my sweaty dirty shoulders, then touched my sweaty socks as she stuffed them into my bag. I told her she was very brave and she responded by saying she was a neurologist. Okay, fair enough.

Getting my body to move again took a little bit but once I started my quads had to do what I told them to do. I replayed Coachy's words when he continued to say "slow and steady" and knew that I wasn't here to try and get a PR for my marathon. I really enjoyed the route, actually, which I wasn't expecting, because I thought I would just 100% hate life at this point. I'd hate life for a goal of 5 or less hours. But I totally didn't! I just put one foot in front of the other and tried to enjoy my surroundings. There were portions that went right along the lake, and the 2 miles going away from transition (which we hit 4 times since it was 2 loops of the same route) were on the causeway, so we were surrounded by Lake Erie. Awesome. People often ask me what I think about when I'm running or biking for long periods of time. I can almost never tell them. I'd say the same thing here. I mean, I remember I heard Respect sung by one of my besties (again....Amy what does this mean? Seriously? You need to be nicer to me?) in my head. I remember thinking about how awesome the volunteers were. OOH I remember thinking that triathlons could work pretty well as a speed dating type of service. Okay okay here's why. So everyone had to put their age on the back of their right calf. So every time you passed someone or they passed you, BAM, there is their age. So obviously, you have the same interest, triathlons, obviously you love it so much that you spend a lot of time training, but dang, I wonder what the age difference is. Oh wait, it's right there, on their right calf. So many questions answered, just like that. There was one guy (age 29...said so on his right calf) with whom I tried to strike up a conversation and I don't think he liked what I said. I don't think I liked what I said. I go, "Is this your first or second loop?" He responds by telling me it's his 1st. I make the game-show-you-lose sound effect noise and say "me too." Then I passed him (ahaha I couldn't help but include that little tidbit). Maybe this is why I have such a hard time with dating. Ha. Well whatever. In my defense I was in the middle of 140.6 miles and being a cutie pie wasn't my first priority. So I really thought that I was going to psychologically go crazy when I got to the halfway point of the run. They had us run ALL THE WAY back to transition and the finish line was right there, but if only halfway, you had to turn around and do the loop ALL THE FREAKING OVER AGAIN. I think that because I was mentally prepared for this, I didn't care. Thank the Lord above. Because mentality is so crucial and can influence you positively or negatively. I tried to thank as many volunteers as possible because while they're awesome, it also keeps my mind off of the craziness that's happening at the same time. My goal, before I felt what I was feeling during the run, was to not walk at all. HAHAHA I laugh at this goal of mine. I really think I benefited from walking at a lot of the water stops because I was able to take the time needed to get in proper nutrition. I often grabbed ice water and would drink the water, then dump the ice down the front and back of my trisuit, to try to regulate body temperature as much as possible. Well this seemed like a great idea at first, until I started feeling that familiar feeling of chafing...but this was a different place than what I have ever experienced before. So the ice would melt down my back and roll down. I literally got diaper rash. Fast forward to after the race and literally asked Phebe if she packed any diaper rash cream. Unfortunately, I guess Ruby is too mature for cream. Dang. I got diaper rash wounds. WOUNDS! I'm throwing Coachy under the bus and saying that he had the same issue hahah. How's the whole skipping-the-italics goin' for ya now? At one water stop I tried to shoot my empty cup into the trash and a guy said, "did you play basketball?" As though I had actually made it. Which I didn't. I said yes and kept running. Second loop around and he remembered me and I told him I had played through college ha. So, speed dating, diaper rash, epically failing bring back Basketballin' Jaq was behind me. I remembered walking while eating pretzels (salt retains water) and realizing that I had an hour and 15 minutes to run 6 miles to the end, if I wanted to BEAT my goal of between 13 and 14 hours. I literally threw my cup down and said, "it's go time!" Remember, I'm not made of much here. I was a little loopy, kind of like Ruby when it's way past her bedtime and she starts acting a little bit drunk. So I kept this in mind every mile and managed my time so I could dig deep and run quicker than I had previously and still get some breaks to walk and drink some liquids. I was passing people left and right because they were at their hit-the-wall place and I had a clear goal in front of me I wanted to beat. It was nothing but encouraging to pass people who looked like, from the body makeup alone, they should be beating ME. I learned awhile ago that this doesn't matter and I can't get intimidated by this because I'm strong despite the lack of abdominal muscles and existence of flabby arm. Getting closer to the finish line was SO EXCITING and I really thought I'd lose it seeing the roller coasters in the distance, knowing that my day-long workout was almost over. I had worked so dang hard and here was my time to shine! BUT, I kept it in and I was glad because I was nervous I'd hyperventilate or something because it's hard to breathe when running and crying at the same time. I sprinted passed 2 people right before the mat leading to the finish line and that was fun:) Always awesome to pass people. I was handed an American flag and ran my heart out to the finish line. I saw my family and my coach before crossing. They announced my name and put my picture up on the big screen. Omigosh.

Omigosh. I have never ever ever EVER been so proud. Again, I have spent so much time training. In late elementary school and early high school I was very overweight at 200+ pounds and couldn't imagine running just to run. My favorite thing to do was sit in front of the TV and eat cheese and crackers. I was made fun of by mean classmates. I was told to call Jenny Craig, girls I thought were my friends drew a picture of a pig on the white board in elementary school and labeled it as me (I thought this hatred only happened in movies) and I was called Fatso. Someone in my life told me when I was younger to do them a favor and try to lose some weight. These things stick. You don't forget them, as much as you try to act cool. I didn't expect to include this here but it just makes sense. I want to encourage you to take the mean things that might have been said to you or about you and turn them around to give you momentum to make you stronger. It doesn't matter what it is. Please, it doesn't need to be an Ironman. I guess it was an Ironman for me, though.

Anyway, post Ironman....it's Tuesday afternoon, 2 days later, and I'm still elated and filled with pride. I am deeply moved by everyone's support. Holy cow I can't believe my Facebook page still works after all the attention it has received. And my family. OH my family. They have been absolutely wonderful and I'm so glad that most of them could be there to support me and cheer me on. I missed my brother and his family, and my brother-in-law. I am also blessed to be part of a school where the faculty do what they can to enable me to leave for a long period of time. And oooh Jesus. He has planned each step to this moment and I'm thankful for each step. Well, steps are a little difficult to go up and down at the moment but I guess I could be thankful for them because going backwards on stairs is actually good for healing. Ha.

And now I have to go back to work tomorrow. What?

WOW. You read this much. Thanks for your interest and support. Next up? Well, planning my races for next season, but most importantly right now? IRONMAN TATTOO!!!!!